Today’s Mood Ingredients: Hindsighted, Introspective, Confident, Renewed.

Well, here is a belated start to the new year. Recently, a younger person asked me about some of the bigger choices that I’ve made in my life and where I see myself in the near future, & if I’m content with the decisions I had made in the past. She was facing a crossroads herself and wanted to get some insight for her own situation. This brought me back to a couple of years ago, when a friend of mine asked me an interesting question that she wanted an answer to for her debut podcast. The words came so fast & furious that it wasn’t until I was directly asked this question that I realized how much I, & we all, must have thought about this same topic at one time or another whether inside of our own heads or otherwise. I agreed to answer the question anonymously because at the time, I didn’t really want all of my personal thoughts out there, but I soon realized that it’s not something to hide from or be ashamed of or pretend never happened; especially if you’ve learned from it and become better because of it. Below is the question..& my answer to myself. 🙂

What would you tell your 20-year old self in a letter? What advice, words of wisdom, pearls of knowledge, warnings, guidance, would you give to your younger self? Would you steer yourself differently? Pat yourself on the back for certain things? 

Dear Siddhi,

At 20, you think you have all of the time left in the world to “do it all.” All I can say to you is, “time flies” is an understatement & before you know it, you will wake up in your childhood home one day, almost 30, with a lot of the same “all” left to do. Be brave. Have the balls to tell the world that you’re going to do what you want to do & how you want to do it. Have the balls to tell the world that you are who you are & though you will actively try and correct your flaws all the while acting like a “hardcore tough guy”, your core is wholly genuine and surprisingly soft..so tread lightly. Quit pre-med.Realize that you don’t have to do something that you have an inclination towards & are semi-good at just to prove it to society. Your parents love you (somewhat obsessively & in the best way possible although you won’t realize that now), & despite the overwhelming guilt you feel, at some point, they WILL understand. If you speak up, it will be sooner rather than later and everything that feels like a burden will be lifted making way for the utmost clarity. Respect yourself. Don’t keep letting everyone treat you as the revolving door AND the doormat in front of it. Sometimes it’s okay to want to say no to favors that people ask of you. If they don’t remain in your life because you chose yourself over everyone else for the first time ever, let them go. Don’t hang on & try to make everything better. That kind of “better” isn’t worth it. Stick to your values & ideals. Just because other people are writhing in a darkened club corner in a drunken tangle and you choose not to doesn’t make you a prude or cold. It makes you someone with self-respect and self-worth; & at the end of the day and every other day to follow, that is what will take you all the places you want to go. Break it off. The person you are with right now is hindering you from the person that you have all of the possibilities of becoming. Sometimes, love isn’t enough. When it becomes a consumption that is unworthy of your heart, time, & effort, it has to go. It will do nothing but drain you of everything that you are and take so much time away from your life that the day it all comes to a head, you will feel like you are literally left with nothing..open your eyes, wake up, & stop it before it happens. Be cautious. Not everyone is trustworthy, no matter how much good you want to see in people. People can be inherently good, but some can be inherently manipulative. Pick less than a handful of people & stick with them. The entire world doesn’t need to love you. And in reality, the entire world won’t. Genuine people won’t have loose lips. Sincere people won’t have more than one face. Trustworthy people won’t be malicious. Not confiding in everyone doesn’t make you closed off. It makes you selective..and with all the good reason in the world. Serve. Do all that you can to give back in whatever way you can. You won’t know this now, but even the smallest form of charity will make you feel fulfilled and full of something that you won’t be able to give a name to, but the feeling itself will be enough. Call it spirit, if you want. Call it love. Call it whatever, but just do it. FOLLOW YOUR PASSION. This will forever be the most important thing I ever say. Write, cook, design, dream. Don’t ever change your view on individual life timelines. Don’t conform to societal standards of what is “proper.” Dance your life away. Train, teach, choreograph, audition, perform, be truly happy. Nothing on this earth will ever be able to give you that euphoria that you get when you perform. Not now, not 10 years from now. It is something that is innate & no matter what, you will never be able to separate it from yourself, even if you ever stupidly try to. It is within you. It IS you. You will always be blind to the audience. You will always be unaware of the footwork. You will always feel alive under those lights. You will only be “at home” on that stage. JUST.DO.IT. Travel. Just get up & GO. Don’t let attachments prevent you from seeing the world that your inner wanderlust so desperately wants you to see. GO. Trust your gut. Only 6 words need to be said to sum that up. It will never steer you wrong. EVER. (Okay, maybe 7 words). Inspire and be inspired. Do things that get other people going. Be someone that makes others follow your lead on a path of fulfillment, contentment, happiness, and most of all, innovation. Let the “never gonna happen” attitude be lost & make way for “never say never.” Let go. Don’t hang on so tight that things slip away. Some things aren’t worth holding on to & some things will still remain in even the loosest of grips. Let go of the past. You don’t have to forget the things you’ve been through, but don’t let them affect your world in the present. It will only make your heart heavy & still and your mind a maniacal whirlwind. This is so important, I’m saying it twice. Let go. And finally, Siddhi, BELIEVE. Believe in your family. They are your greatest strength. Believe that everything is a possibility, not just “anything.” Believe that the things you want can be attained. Believe in no time limits. Believe in love, as difficult as that may be to do. Believe in happiness. It will begin as a trickle & transform into a waterfall..but it will come. Let it in. Most importantly, believe in you. And believe that, maybe even 10 years from now or 10 years from then, you actually CAN “do it all”..

So, what would you tell yourself if you knew what you know now..THEN?

Today’s Interlude: Frou Frou, “Let Go.”