It’s been one of those weeks of self-doubt, frustration, stress, unprofessional idiots, regrets, and dealing with a lot of back & forth about what to do & where to go from here. This piece by Rudyard Kipling (it’s for us daughters too!) is exactly what I needed to feel like Aaliyah..and dust myself off & try again.
“If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or being hated, don’t give way to hating, And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise
If you can dream – and not make dreams your master; If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools
If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it, And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!”
-Rudyard Kipling, If: A Father’s Advice to His Son
“Sometimes I wish I had learned everything earlier and that my real life could have started sooner. Other times, I’m glad that the first part of my life lasted as long as it did. It doesn’t really matter, though. None of it could have been any different.
As for fate – or not-fate – I’m still not sure about it, but it’s not something that keeps me up at night. I’ve lived it, and the people who still wonder about that kind of thing can call it whatever they want.”
If you know me, you know I love her. Like, LOVEEE her. I’m not a person who gets starstruck or flustered when meeting celebrities, ever, but when I recently had the chance to meet writer/director/actor/producer/fashionista/hottie Mindy Kaling, albeit for a brief 12 second span where I gave her Easter candy in a hot pink bag, my body apparently knew something my brain wasn’t caught up on because I was shaking like a Californian in an Alaskan winter & it wasn’t because of the 50 mph gusts of wind outside.
People who follow me on social media are well aware of my adoration for her & they’ve asked me time & time again why she’s so awesome to me. There is a plenitude of reasons that we love or admire celebrities. Most of the time it’s their body of work & talent or because of whatever persona they (or their PR team) decide to show us, & since we’ll most likely never meet them, that’s how it stays. With Mindy (& I have a huge list of people who share my sentiment), it’s much more. It’s easy to pick her as the South Asian role model for women & entertainers and very easy to pick her as the spokesperson for every “Brown” person out there, but that’s actually last on my list of why I am awed by her in a non-creeper way. If you’ve read her book, “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? And Other Concerns,” you’ll know what I mean (& if you haven’t read it, get on it ASAP. It’s a New York Times Bestseller & unless you’re a Jetsons-esque robot [but even Rosie had emotions], you’ll laugh until you ugly cry. I’ve read it 3 times, taking something new away from it every time, & highlighted about 80% of it). Mindy weaves humor & emotion seamlessly while telling her stories of being bullied about her weight, her childhood fears, unapologetically loving comedy early on in life, her botched Broadway audition, living in a shoebox apartment with her 2 best friends, her dating game, and so on. As she tells her stories, I don’t know if she realizes it or not, she connects with so many of us on a personal level. It’s easy to want to put those days behind you (& easily be able to) when you’re at nearly 3 million Twitter followers, over half a million Instagram followers, & being the star & show runner of your own network TV show, but the greatest thing about her is that she owns it & embraces it all. She’s never hidden from her roots or her history and that’s what makes her accessible to & adored by so many of us (her talent and hilarity help too, obv).
I have many celebrities I love, but I’ve never felt connected to them on a personal level like I do with Mindy Kaling. Perhaps it’s that we’re close in age, perhaps it’s that she is fiercely loyal in her close relationships & friendships, perhaps it’s that her greatest strength & love is the relationship she has (yes, present tense) with her mother, perhaps it’s that we’re both fashion freaks (her Instagram feed is to die for!), perhaps it’s that we had a similar childhood, & perhaps it’s just that she’s someone I aspire to be like; inspired, driven, sarcastic with a childlike exuberance but an iron work ethic. She’s a brilliant writer, an Ivy-League graduate, & has humorous self-deprecation down to a science. Someone somewhere (or at least definitely on Twitter) says that they wish they were Mindy Kaling’s BFF every day. And though I admit to having said that, I’m happy I’m not. Wait, what? Yes, I’m happy I’m not her BFF because I have my own group of BFFs (“it’s not a person, it’s a tier, Danny!”) who have been there for me through all of the winding roads of life & I love that she still has her core group of homies from college (& of course, BJ Novak from The Office) who have been there for her for the same. Don’t get me wrong though, had it been 2002 & I met Mindy & her friends (which was SO FEASIBLE since I was watching all of the Bombay Dreams auditions in real life & wish I’d gotten to know her when she auditioned!), I’d totally try & hang out with them.
For someone who has high aspirations for making it as not only a woman, but a person in this world, I can think of no one better to look to as a guide. She didn’t glide up on a who-knows-who method & she doesn’t rest on her laurels. She worked her ass off & had conviction in her work, her intellect, her talent, & herself and that’s something I sometimes forget to do for myself. She’s constantly striving (look at me, weirdly talking about her as though I know her personally..here is that line between admirer & creeper, you guys..I’m toeing it :P) to better herself & hone her skills, but doesn’t seem to beat the shit out of herself if something falls short. And for all of the times that people come down on her for not being the token South Asian who apparently should be shouldering all of our historical burdens, a quote from Elle Magazine says it best, “She doesn’t rely on being Indian, but doesn’t deny it either.” That’s an amazing thing, especially in Hollywood! This is 2014. Be proud that a “f***ing Indian woman [has] her own f***ing show!” A network television show. That, for once, doesn’t stereotype an Indian woman (or man, for that matter) as an accent-harboring, oily haired nerd searching long & hard for an arranged marriage that will make the family happy all the while toiling away at a profession they hate. And for those who say, “Yeah, but she still plays a doctor! How Brown.” Yes, she plays an OB-GYN as an homage to her late mother’s profession, not because of the Indian generalization associated with it. Mindy’s created a show for us single 30-something women that shows the real, if sometimes exaggerated, colors of dating & working (especially for us New Yorkers). I have known people my whole life who, despite being Indian, have only dated non-Indian people. It’s not Mindy’s job to make sure that every South Asian actor has a job, or to make sure that Dr. Mindy Lahiri dates South Asian men just because she is South Asian. That’s a reality that people really need to get on board with. Her job was to create a show that is funny, that people will enjoy, & that she’s proud of, and in that, she has succeeded tenfold.
I think I may have been happier than Mindy Kaling & the cast and crew themselves when The Mindy Project was renewed (early) for a season 3. The show is my happy place. It’s found its groove (even though I personally have loved every episode since the pilot) & there are times you have to watch it twice to catch one-liners you may have missed because you were too busy laughing at something else that just happened. It makes me literally LOL (which only Friends & Gilmore Girls have done) with its quick witted dialogue, pop culture references, equally intelligent and silly humor, & incredibly individual characters; and to know that Mindy’s in charge of it all (with a great team, of course) just makes me wax poetic about her even more. I have been having quite a few shitty days lately & I’ll be damned if Morgan Tookers’ innocent creepiness or Danny Castellano’s curmudgeon-y behavior (red grandma glasses intact) or Mindy Lahiri’s insecure self-confidence don’t give me at least that full 21 minutes of reprieve from real life. If you haven’t given it a chance yet, I suggest you spend the next 9.5 hours watching season 1 & season 2 on YouTube in order to prep for the one hour return tonight at 9PM on FOX. I know I’m going to be sipping on strawberry ale in my TMP cup saying “HOW DARE YOU!?” to anyone that attempts to disturb my cloud 9 of comedy.
P.S. Mindy, if you ever end up reading this, I’m just kidding about the BFF thing. I love my tier, but I’m totally available, so call me! “Winky face.” 😉
Once upon a time, I was lucky enough to travel to Cambodia, drive through a phantom tollbooth, do some detective work with a girl named Nancy, be in awe of a girl named Cam’s photographic memory, be a part of a club of babysitters and a sleepover club, hang out in abandoned boxcars, meet five people in heaven, travel 20,000 leagues under the sea, live in a castle for 7 years, learn about the southern USA during the slavery era, learn about magic with a gypsy woman named Brida, hang out with a sweet award-winning pig, interpret various maladies of numerous people, fall in love with a hundred men (whoa), and embrace many of life’s lessons from a brilliant alchemist. It’s been a wonderful 28 years of a life full of imagination and intelligence, new perspectives and introspection; and I never needed to physically leave the place I was in.
Since you’ve probably already figured out what I’m talking about, let me dive right in. When someone tells me, “I hate reading for fun!”, I genuinely have trouble understanding them. I pride myself on being quite adept at putting myself in other people’s shoes for a myriad of things, but this one thing? I DON’T GET IT! But then again, I hate football, eggplants, and reality show celebrities, & no one gets that either. For me, reading is an innate love carried over generations on both sides of my family (somehow skipping my mom & brother). My dad started me off early & the love affair took off right from the get-go. The ability to escape into other people’s characters, their minds, other realms, cultivate and nurture my own imagination and creativity is the greatest asset to an introvert like me. Externally, I’m an affable, sociable, strange person, but when I need hermit time, books are my favorite partners. They offer an intangible, inexplicable, but incomparable comfort that is akin to cuddling with your pet or having your mom take care of you when you’re sick; and thank God for that because my dog is moody and sometimes, so is my mom.
I’m a crazy quote-monger (if that’s not a thing, it is now); I like to see how similarly or how differently someone else can put my feelings to words, & when words fail me (it doesn’t happen often, but my words are not quite quotable, perhaps more bleep-able at times), someone else’s lines do just fine. I also truly wish I could meet some of my favorite authors, but only a handful are still alive (Paulo Coelho, Mitch Albom, Mindy Kaling, Jhumpa Lahiri, JK Rowling, BJ Novak, Cecelia Ahern, & Nick Hornby to name a few), & so I have to settle for imagining Dickinson/Hemingway/Milne’s lives, Rumi & Kahlil Gibran’s real theories on love, Shakespeare’s creative process, Thoreau’s experiences, Frost’s decision-making processes (wink wink), & especially so, Plath’s thoughts (I believe Sylvia & I are kindred souls, minus the level of heart-wrenching depression and the whole suicide situation, of course). Though all have done a remarkable job of recording the aforementioned in beauteous poetry, prose, and stories, you can bet that my ideal dead dinner party guests would most definitely include those people. Recently, I asked to join a friend’s book club because it was something I had been wanting to do for years and because apparently, I’m okay with inviting myself to things I see on Facebook statuses. To find like-minded bibliophiles, but with their own interpretations of a work and its characters is like free cone day at Baskin Robbins to me (comparing the happiness here, not necessarily the satisfaction of reading a book versus the satiation of inhaling a large chocolate chocolate-chip with whipped cream & rainbow sprinkles).
As long as I can remember (& I’m like Dumbo with the memory..& maybe also some of the self-doubt), one of my favorite dreams has been to own a house that has a large mahogany library full of slouchy armchairs, a crackling fireplace, a ginormous [hypoallergenic] rug, a bay window/nook with a view of the pool guy (jk jk), Marshmallow Man sized & consistency-d throw pillows, and thousands and thousands and millions of books. Old, new, classic, nouveau, fiction, non, biographies, autos, children’s, adults’, hardcover, paperback, leather-bound. I want a place to travel when I can’t, to breathe when I can’t, to flop on the floor and leave everything behind when I can’t, basically to just fly away when I can’t. My other favorite dream is that those newfangled battery-powered contraptions won’t render my smooth covered, musty fragranced, underlined, worn to the spine, dogeared, page filled, ink misprinted companions obsolete. Fine, admittedly I do own a Nook, but in my defense, it was after everyone else, it was a gift, and I fought a long & valiant battle against it. Plus, I can’t do the heavy-lifting required of me if I took all the books I wanted to with me everywhere I go.
Anyyyhoo, I’ll end this with some of my favorite titles, maybe some coincide with some of yours, maybe you have other suggestions, please let me know either way! And thanks to whoever coined my favorite term to elementary [school] & beyond; “Reading is FUN-damental.”
It’s a beautiful love affair and it shall last ’til happily ever after.
The Alchemist, Brida, The Witch of Portobello, Veronika Decides To Die, Eleven Minutes, The Manual of the Warrior of Light, Aleph (all by Paulo Coelho), Tuesdays With Morrie, The 5 People You Meet In Heaven, The First Phone Call From Heaven, The Time Keeper, For One More Day, Have A Little Faith (every book Mitch Albom has written), The Interepreter of Maladies, The Lowlands (both Jhumpa Lahiri), A Long Way Down (Nick Hornby), Wicked (Gregory Maguire), The Time of My Life, There’s No Place Like Here, The Book of Tomorrow, The Gift, Thanks For The Memories, One Hundred Names (all by Cecelia Ahern), Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? And Other Concerns (Mindy Kaling), One More Thing: Stories and Other Stories (BJ Novak), The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar (both by Sylvia Plath), And The Mountains Echoed (Khaled Hosseini), The Prophet (Kahlil Gibran), The Witch’s Daughter (Paula Brackston), the Harry Potter series (shut up, it’s not Twilight), The Casual Vacancy (both by JK Rowling), The Perks of Being a Wallflower (Stephen Chbosky), Little Women (Louisa May Alcott), The Gift (Andi Buchanan), 13 Reasons Why (Jay Asher), Sweet Valley Jr. High/High/University (Francine Pascal), Dream a Little Dream (Antoinette Stockenberg), Where The Wild Things Are (Maurice Sendak), Oh! The Places You’ll Go!, The Lorax (both by Dr. Seuss), Where The Sidewalk Ends (Shel Silverstein), Charlie & The Chocolate Factory (Roald Dahl), The Gifts of Imperfection (Brené Brown), 2Bro2B (Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.), The Mistress of Spices (Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni), The Death of Vishnu (Manil Suri), The Diary of Anne Frank (Anne Frank), The Book Thief (Markus Zusak), Bridge to Terabithia (Katherine Paterson), Catcher In The Rye (J.D. Salinger), Number The Stars (Lois Lowry), Are You There, God? It’s Me Margaret, Tiger Eyes, Blubber, Otherwise Known As Sheila The Great, Deenie (all by Judy Blume), Ethan Frome (Edith Wharton), To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee), and on and on and on and on..
Today’s Interlude: Beauty and the Beast, “Little Town (Belle)”
champagne & cookiedough 