dance

“And creativity, it soaks my soul, I ask not to be alone”; The Artistic Struggle Is Real

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Today’s Mood Ingredients: Unfulfilled, Yearning, Striving, Undone, Explosive.

It’s taken me a long time to feel affected by something enough to unload it onto the internet, but this is one of those long-simmering slow boils that is about to finally pop the top off of the pressure cooker. What is “a creative?” Is it someone who only works in the arts? Is it a social media director? Is it someone who works in public relations? An editor of a magazine? I have no idea as to what concretely defines “a creative” anymore, but I know that I am one. It’s an innate knowledge, probably the only thing I was born sure of, but what I’ve also learned is that at times, it is a G-d damn pain in the ass. Life in the arts, of any kind, is the furthest thing from a smooth ride into a sufficient paycheck & contentedness. It’s definitely easier today than back when I was growing up (and no lie, I’m so envious of these kids attending performing arts high schools and summer dance and drama camps and such, that sometimes I wish I could just be reborn – I’m Hindu-ish, I’m sure it’ll work – and do it all over again).

On any given day, when I go to my routine job in order to fund my passions in design and dance, I’ll be half present. It’s a job that requires organization, work ethic, and some brain power, but not enough that my mind isn’t wandering into my next “masterpiece” of some kind. What’s the strangest ensemble I can put together that I’m sure will push the boundaries of normal construction? What’s the most out-of-the-box movement I can push my body to make in some new choreography? This thought process usually very rapidly progresses to “Why am I not in the arts full-time?” “Why is this not where my life’s funding is coming from?” “Why am I still in healthcare when I quit medical school 7 years ago?” And then come the influx of emotions; disappointment, despondence, whys & what-ifs, sadness, inspiration, rallying, excitement, enthusiasm..lather, rinse, repeat. And those last three words are why as each day goes by, I feel my flame extinguished little by little, slowly but surely.

Why do “creatives” have to struggle to make their contributions matter? We are progressive, we push boundaries, we help people think on alternative planes, we force people to delve deeper into themselves, we sometimes gift people to have the confidence to look deeper into others. So why isn’t creative input as socially important as, for example, a doctor’s? Now, before everyone dumps on me, realize this; I obviously know a doctor has indispensable life-saving skills and they go through a lot to get to that point where their patients trust them enough to literally put their lives in their hands. And yes, of course, a musician or a dancer will need a doctor at some point. But use your right brain for a minute. Have you ever thought about how a musician could possibly be saving a doctor’s life? What about that surgeon in that OR who has been awake for 48 hours not having seen his/her family with someone’s mortality in their hands? What about his/her favorite musician whose labor of love is what they’re playing in the OR to calm their nerves or keep them awake or reach into some emotion or memory or whatever the case may be in order to focus and keep their patient alive & well? We need each other. 

The stigma that an artist is a wishy-washy hippie with no real focus or destination is what keeps us all down, the non-artists included. This creative life is an unforgiving, difficult, lonely, misunderstood, emotionally-turmoiled typhoon..that is also the most fulfilling, evolving, magnetic, identifying, truthful, cathartic, satisfying, authentic one. To not be able to wholly live it is soul-crushing..like a permanent Dementor all up in your face. But those with the tenacity and voracity to live that roller coaster, no matter the cost, are the ones that fly. They are the ones who make change happen, not because they are creative, but because they are full of grit & blind determination & the optimism that tells them everything will happen for them in time.

I want to be that person. I have to be that person. And I’ve given myself a deadline on when I will be that person.

Stay tuned..changes, they are a’comin’.

 

Today’s Wisdom:

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. No artist is pleased. No satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.” -Martha Graham

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Today’s Interlude: “Pure Imagination” from Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory

JUST DANCE, GONNA BE OK, DA DA DOO DOO; THE SIMPLEST SOLUTION TO STRESS

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ARTS: JUST DANCE, GONNA BE OK, DA DA DOO DOO; THE SIMPLEST SOLUTION TO STRESS

Today’s Mood Ingredients: Euphoric, Free, Alive.

Stress. Overwhelming stress. It’s very rare that people today don’t have it. It varies in levels depending on a number of factors; career, family, emotions, personality, lifestyle, income, desires, etcetera, but it’s there. Silently waiting to attack when you least expect it, rendering you manic or crazed or depressed or angry. Let’s say you can’t quit your job to own a farm in California or live a spa life in Arizona. You can’t quit your family, you can’t shirk your responsibilities, you can’t overcome your sporadic but prevalent emotional tsunamis. So, what do you do? Release it. For me, the greatest and truest inanimate, intangible passion of my life is dance. Any form. Drunken, choreographed, impromptu, rehearsed, performed, jumping & booty-bumping with my 2.5 year old nephew, ballroom dancing with the puppy. ANY. If it was possible to bottle the feeling that radiates within and out of me when I’m dancing, I would be in direct competition with the Onassis family as wealthiest around. However, I cherish the fact that the feeling is so inexpressible for me because I get to have a sense of public privacy.

The audience sees a performer on stage expressing lyrics and movements to given music, but much of the time, the performer is in a whole different secret world. I have literally been brought to tears or euphoria on stage depending on the day of performance, & the people, who I don’t even register in my consciousness, applaud. They applaud for a technical performance that hopefully connected with them in some way. What they don’t realize is that the emotion that’s coming off in waves from the stage to the audience at such a high frequency is the tumultuous collage of my innermost fears, happinesses, struggles, tears, accomplishments, sadness, & stress being released. They are privy to something they don’t even know of, & for a hyper-private person like me, it’s my way of “talking about my feelings.” Dancing has saved me from a lot in life. It has protected me from a lot in life. It has given me a lot in life. It is the only outlet that still serves to shatter my anxiety, my founded & unfounded worries, & my fears. The best way to describe it, I suppose, is by using my favorite quote, also tattooed on my ankle: “In life, as in dance; grace glides on blistered feet.” When I’m dancing, I’m at my most euphoric. When I’m dancing, I’m at my most tranquil. When I’m dancing, I’m at my most giving. It’s a blind & frozen moment in time where everything is nothing and nothing is everything & I’m spinning along with the world in harmony.

Everyone deserves this. You deserve to feel this way about something in your life, if not necessarily dance. When things are piling up & suffocating you under their deadweight, find your own outlet. You don’t have to be good at it. Contrary to popular & incorrect belief, NO ONE CARES.

“Times of general calamity and confusion have ever been productive of the greatest minds. The purest ore is produced from the hottest furnace, and the brightest thunderbolt is elicited from the darkest storms.”-Charles Caleb Colton

Is splattering paint across a canvas therapeutic? Do it. Listening to music? Blast it. Playing sports (not my forte!)? Kick it, pitch it, run it. Writing? Scribble it. No one is expected to be the next DaVinci, Stevie Wonder, Jackie Robinson, Ernest Hemingway, but you are expected to somehow be able to enjoy this life without needing an industrial-strength antacid twice a day. I’m lucky that I found my meditation at the age of 3, but “too late” is a phrase I’m just starting to eke out of my vernacular, & I suggest you do the same for “life is short, but sweet for certain.”

Today’s Interlude: “Dance Dance Dance” by Lykke Li

         

What is Art? Is art art? Are we art?: Lisa Turtle’s Dilemma & Its Relation To 5 Pointz & Self-Expression

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Arts & Culture: What is Art? Is art art? Are we art?: Lisa Turtle’s Dilemma & Its Relation To 5 Pointz & Self-Expression

Today’s Mood Ingredients: Inspired, Sad, Artistic, Logical.

If you’re not a New Yorker or you’re not an artist, there is a chance you may not have heard of iconic 5 Pointz, an outdoor art exhibit space on a 20,000 square foot factory building in Long Island City. Aerosol artists from New York’s five boroughs & all over the world came to 5 Pointz to graffiti (in the non-negative sense of the word) all over the space, attracting the likes of boldfaced stars like Doug E. Fresh, Mos Def, & Joan Jett as well. 5 Pointz became a haven for those artists whose medium was aerosol spray cans, and let’s be honest, not quite the most respected of the lot. They would flock to the factory building to express, impress, inspire, collaborate, and experiment, all the while creating incredible colorful displays of, what I presume to be, their thoughts. Unfortunately, as of November 2013, 5 Pointz is no longer in existence. As the curator of the space petitioned to have 5 Pointz become a museum & save it from demolition, the owners of the building had the space whitewashed overnight with the security of police protection. Here comes the question. What was the point in the whitewashing? If the building was to be demolished anyway, why add insult to injury & just go and basically delete the years of expression and artistry and hard work that went into the pieces on those walls? Understandably, the owners of the building had/have the right to do whatever they want with the space, it’s theirs. What I don’t understand is this; for years, this space was a place for community and expression. For years, it thrived as a place for this specific type of artist to come & not be arrested for using aerosol to create. Why the sudden urge for condominiums (and in an already saturated Long Island City)? It is obviously illegal to “tag” up a public place & you can and will be arrested for graffiti’ing pretty much everywhere, which I agree with. Sorry, but I don’t want to see your big orange bubble letters on a public library wall. However, I can appreciate artistry with the best of them & do believe that those individuals who excel in this form of art should have a place where they are free from the fear of glowing blue & red lights and silver (definitely not a cute accessory) cuffs. The need for people to put their feelings into something solid and tangible is valid. The need for a businessperson to want to make more money is valid. I refuse to believe that some sort of agreement or middle ground couldn’t have been reached in this case.

All of that rhetoric aside, I’d like to ask a question of you. What is self-expression exactly? An outlet that allows an individual to feel free, to be themselves, to be unique, maybe to release stress or anger or sadness? That’s what it is to me, anyway, and I couldn’t survive without it. I don’t know what I’d do if someone suddenly erased all records of my dance performances or told me that I can no longer use a particular space to dance in that I had been connected to and performing in for years. In my opinion, self-expression is a necessity for society. To be able to not only make yourselves feel, but to inspire and to make others feel something, anything, with something you have created with the fruits of your labor is an irreplaceable, inherently good thing. To many, it may be intangible. To many, it may be too philosophical. But to many, it is innate and it is important.

Art to one person, whether it be performance or creative or visual, may be trash to another, but who is the decision maker as to what should be revered and what should be disregarded? My heart goes out to you, artists of 5 Pointz & all other such artists out there. The wonderful part about expressing yourself through your art is that you always have your tools within you. That’s something no one can steal from you & I suppose there is at least a little solace in that. I hope you find somewhere else accepting of your immense talents and understanding of your visions, because, Ansel Adams said it best:

“No man has the right to dictate what other men should perceive, create or produce, but all should be encouraged to reveal themselves, their perceptions and emotions, and to build confidence in the creative spirit.” 

More information about 5 Pointz here, and more articles about the demolition here.

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(Header photo credit: http://www.inhabitant.com; Footer photo credit: @WNYC on Twitter)

Today’s Interlude: The Living End, “Prisoner of Society”