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“Don’t Go Cryin’ To Your Mama, Cuz You’re On Your Own In The Real World”: My Advice To The Youth & Slightly Aging

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ImageToday’s Mood Ingredients: Frustrated, Mentor-y, OverUnderqualified.

So, it’s been quite a while since I’ve written a post & that’s mostly due to the fact that life caught up to me & I was too busy making a list of observations to actually have a chance to sit down & write about ’em.

Jobs. We all either have them, need them, or are retired from them. We either love them, hate them, or are apathetic towards them. For some, they’re a means to an end; for some, they’re the only consistent things in life; for some, they’re the greatest love affairs; and for some, they’re the bane of their existence. So, what’s my input? They suck. Unless of course, you’ve known what you want to do your whole life & were afforded the opportunities to strive for success in your chosen field from a very young age. Below, you’ll find my unsolicited, but in my humility-laden opinion, spectacular and priceless, advice to the classes of whatever year you did/will graduate, be they from elementary, junior high, high school, college, grad school, or some other institution. Read & heed, my friends!

DO WHAT YOU WANT. That’s all. Simple. If you have an inkling of what you want to do your whole life at whatever age you are, GO FOR IT. Don’t allow doubts, fears, or pesky little things like crippling anxiety overshadow your passion and desire for a specific route for your life. Live for yourself. It’s always nice to be selfless, but sometimes, you need to be selfish. I found out the hard way. I drastically changed my career path at the ripe young age of 30. I dropped out of medical school, I launched my own fashion line, and I continued to look for odd jobs to support my business. IT SUCKED. I wish I had gone to FIT or Parson’s right out of high school. I wish I had interned for Valentino or Marchesa or Rodarte. I wish I had apprenticed in Bombay with a designer I know. I wish I had done a lot of things, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. So, at the age of 33 with a graduate level education, a creatively obsessive background, and a small business, I worked (until a week ago) at a daycare center. I wiped other people’s children’s poop and noses (not with the same wipe, don’t worry), I cut up hot dogs for toddler lunches, I woke up at the crack of dawn (NOT ideal for an insomniac/nocturnal creature), I stood for 8 hours a day, and I dealt with the worst boss known to mankind. Lucky for me, I adore children and teaching both, so I made the best of what it was. A measly job with minor pay, but it allowed me to go to LA and go to Bombay and teach dance classes 3 days a week. It allowed me time to design & sketch at home, it allowed me time to spend QT with my nephew, and it allowed me time to go back to seriously building my business.

Unfortunately, I was forced to quit last week because that aforementioned “Horrible Boss” (without an ounce of the attractiveness of Jennifer Aniston), did not allow me a day off to attend a family funeral. Bitches be trippin’, yo, and karma isn’t always kind. Anyhow, so now here I am, back on the job hunt while working 20 hours a day on this and what do I find? I’m too overqualified for jobs like a cashier at Target or a counter person at a bakery, but too underqualified for the jobs relevant to my field. Do I have 2-4 years of retail experience if I want to apply as a Fashion Assistant at DKNY? No. I was at a science research program at Marymount. Do I have 1-2 years of previous mailroom experience in order to apply for a MAIL SORTER position at Armani? Nah. I was in medical school in Antigua.

I’m noticing that there are more and more people out there experiencing this kind of rock and a hard place situation when it comes to gainful employment (especially after a career shift), no matter what area it’s in. There are articles upon articles out there about what “experience” really even means in the social media obsessed, Vine celebrity, hired-from-Twitter-feed-to-become-a-TV-writer world (hello, Harvard Business Review!?!), but nothing actually being done about the seemingly ubiquitous situation. So my point of this rant is, until there is some evolution with today’s times, take my advice: START YOUNG. Yes, everyone will tell you it’s never too late. I mean, for the sake of full disclosure of my hypocrisy, one of my favorite quotes is “It’s never too late to be what you might have been” by George Eliot. HOWEVER, if you want to be who you might have been with a little more ease and comfort and a slightly quicker success rate, be who you might have been…..NOW.

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Today’s Interlude: “Everybody’s Free To Wear Sunscreen” by Baz Luhrmann

 

The Boomerang Generation: Breakin’ Up Is Hard To Do

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Today’s Mood Ingredients: Thankful, Idol Worship-y, Ageless, Connected, Terrified.

Most of us grew up with a similar dream. Get through K-12, go to college, graduate, move out, be independent, make money, live life. At 17, all you are looking forward to is the freedom-filled lifestyle of living on your own, away from (so thought at the time) nagging parents, going out, meeting new people, etc. At 17, you don’t think you’ll ever be back at your parents’ house when you’re an “adult.” At 17, you’re naive and doe-eyed, frolicking about in your happy little daydream. But it happens. From 18-22, you do exactly what you dreamed of. Most of us get jobs or go to grad school and still continue that dream. And then something else happens; you’re laid off, the market is down, you’re in loan debt, someone needs help, and the next thing you know, you’re 30 years old and sleeping in your childhood bedroom with your parents right next door.

I’ve clearly made things sound awful, but that’s not my intention. Please read on. The Boomerang Generation, as it has now been coined, is defined as:

“[…] the current generation of young adults in Western culture. They are so named for the frequency with which they choose to cohabitate with their parents after a brief period of living on their own – thus boomeranging back to their place of origin. This cohabitation can take many forms, ranging from situations that mirror the high dependency of pre-adulthood to highly independent, separate-household arrangements.” according to Wikipedia (I know, I know, but in this case, it’s on point).

I’ll be the first one to say I’m 100% part of that generation. I went to college in New York City, but stayed on campus. I then moved to Bombay for a year & some-odd months to equal parts escape a traumatic situation and delve into some long-held dreams. I came home for 2 months & then moved to the Caribbean for medical school. I’ve lived in 2 countries, went to a professional school, gotten a job, started my own company, been as independent as can be..only to come right back to the house I’ve lived in since I was 5. Many people come home as a result of necessity, financial or otherwise. I came home for comfort as well. The same irritation I had with my parents at 17 is the same acceptance I have with them at 32. To give them their due, they’ve also had to grow and change between my brother & myself discovering alcohol, quitting our respective professional schools, relationship woes, etc. (this also means they’re less annoying & more understanding now..or maybe we are, who knows). We all accept each other as adults and honestly, my parents are 2 of my closest friends, & pretty freaking interesting, intelligent, and diverse people. I talk choreography with my mom, toss back a few brews with my dad (sorry, trying to appeal to the XYs here too) and we just plain hang out like homies on a brownstone stoop waxing poetic about the good old days and dreaming of the new old days. Obviously we all get on each others’ nerves from time to time and no matter how old we are or how experienced they are, a parent is a parent is a parent and my dad still tells me to “Stop drinking sodas and all of this junk, you’ll get kidney stones” and “Look for a good guy” and my mom still tells me to “live a routine life” and “Can you please not go out on Friday nights because then I have trouble on Saturday mornings after staying awake until you get home.” These are peppered in between the “You will be successful, I know you will-s” & the “You can do everything you want to do, we will help you and make sure of it-s.”

Recently, I almost lost both of them in the span of 4 months & it has been the toughest experience of my life. Being forced to face my most terrifying fear with no control over any aspect of the situations or circumstances is not the way I had wished to spend Christmas & the new year. But over the time I spent in the hospitals and doctors’ offices and being Florence Nightingale, I learned that despite all of my gilded dreams and wanderlusting fantasies, I was never more thankful that I was at home with them. That I could, in whatever absolute miniscule way, try to repay them for their years of selflessness, confidence, education, tolerance, acceptance, guidance, never-ending love, and a limitless list of other adjectives.

The point is, there’s nothing to be ashamed of if you’re one of my boomerang brethren. These are the people who love you unconditionally and raised you to the best of their abilities and for many of us who are 1st generation Americans, probably also sacrificed incredible amounts to give you the life you enjoy (whether it doesn’t always feel that way or not) today. They’re not going to be the ones who shame you or guilt you when you need to come home; after all, wasn’t it them who incessantly lamented about the whole “empty nest” thing anyway!? The stigma that used to befall those adults who still lived at home (“OH, YOU STILL LIVE WITH YOUR MOM!?”) is not as prevalent today, and I, for one, am glad for it. The only thing I’m worried about now is if, & when, my parents try to break up with me: “It’s not you, it’s us.” 😦

Basically, there’s no place like home, and OH, BTW, BRADLEY COOPER STILL LIVES WITH HIS MOM TOO so I think we’re all gonna be just fine.

Today’s Interlude: Taylor Swift, “Never Grow Up”