Would you hold my hand..if I saw you in heaven? I’ll find my way through night & day..beyond the door, there’s peace I’m sure: A Love Letter

Today’s Mood Ingredients: Angry, Heartbroken, Lost, Relieved.

True Life: I Don’t Process Grief. I pretend nothing ever happened & run to take care of the person who may have been affected the most, and then one day, I feel personally victimized by the Regina Georges of the Kübler-Ross Model & explode all over my nearests & dearests. Here is a hopeful attempt at not having that happen this time around..mostly thanks to my “baby” brother’s influence. “Just write it out”..the Shiv Vaishnav version of UNK. This isn’t for clicks, likes, or shares. This is for my family..& for all of my hearts that are hurting right now as much as I am.

My Ba’s (grandma) letters were legendary. Coveted hot commodities that the whole family would earnestly hope to receive when there happened to be a big event in their lives. The only reason I have ever thought of rushing to get married was so that I could get one of those handwritten scrolls of love, advice, and strength from my best girl. Now, she’s gone..& it’s time that I wrote a love letter to her instead.

Dear Ba aka My Miss Universe,

I’m mad at you. You weren’t supposed to leave me..ever. The educated part of me seems to have disappeared because all I can think of is that you were supposed to be way past chronological aging and live longer than even me. Back to back strokes at 88 and you were up and writing and walking and feeding your crows. Triple hip fracture surgery at 92 and off you were strolling around Gamdevi like you were still 80. You spoiled us; I selfishly thought you were indestructible & that no one would dare take you away from me. 100 was so close & I had already planned everything we would do together for that big day 6 years from now. And then you left more than 6 years too early. And then you left without me. And I’m mad at you.

Married nearly pre-pubescent in a time where women were uneducated, timid, and there solely for procreation, you did more than give birth to 6 children. You taught those children the importance of character, dignity, self-respect, & especially a sense of humor. You taught them the difference between truth and falsities, you gave them principles, you taught them empathy, you showed them how to live with honor. You educated those children, you disciplined those children, you taught them how to be open-minded and open-armed to one and all, and you gave those children unconditional love that I’m sure I’ve seen in every mother, but just somehow not like your special magical kind. And those children have passed along the priceless lessons to theirs and those kids to theirs and so on. You have a strength and a will power I have never seen in my entire life and I’ve been blessed this whole time to be able to feel it and witness it and have pride in it. And I’m mad at you.

You taught me how to not be afraid of fear. You taught me that a woman could do anything with the iron will that you made so infamous in our world. You showed me that tenacity and a pure heart are all you need to get through this life. You made me see that action is greater than intention. You expressed the unbreakable bond between a mother and her daughter and gave me the gift of having that particular relationship with both you and my own momma. You showed me that freedom of speech is more than okay, that it is necessary in this life. You allowed me to see that respect is earned by the life you live and the unselfish deeds you do. And I’m mad at you.

You sang to me more sweetly and with more talent than Lata Mangeshkar ever could. You held my hand when I slept next to you in a single room with a ceiling fan; you being willing to turn on the AC for me even though you knew you’d need extra chaadars (sheets) for yourself. You stood over a hot stove at odd hours because your grandkids wanted only your thepla, no one else’s. You gave me a miniature Hanuman Chalisa because I told you I was suddenly afraid of flying but I’d do anything to traverse the 10,000 miles to see you & to this day, when I’m on a plane I pretend that Hanumanji is holding the plane up & leading it safely to its destination. You told me that marriage isn’t the be-all and end-all because in the words of Beyoncé, “All the women who independent throw ya hands up at me.” (you said that part a little differently than I wrote it just now). You also told me that I deserve love because I have the capacity to give love..and that’s all you really need (that, and a non-ass significant other). 😛 You tried to read the English headlines of The Times of India while I tried to read the Gujarati headlines of Garvi Gujarat and we both succeeded because we are both stubborn and persistent and obsessed with learning new things. You made sure you lit the deevo (lamp) every time I left Bombay for protection and for safe travels. You knowingly let me walk into a flying cockroach because you thought it would be the most hilarious thing, and it was..to you. And I can still hear that jingly giggle as you watched 17-year old me flail about in abject terror, you mischievous child in a geriatric body. You let me play in your saris..the one I still sleep with..the one I made sure always stayed with your fragrance still lingering within the threads of the feather-light fabric. The sari that used to comfort me for the past decade & a half..the same one that now half-comforts me and half-tortures me as of this week. And I’m still mad at you.

I feel like Voldemort. Like my soul has been torn into multiple pieces, but without the darkness or the whole immortality situation..& definitely not on purpose. You always had blind faith in your Kanha that he would lead you where you needed to be and where you would be peaceful..& you left me and mom during Ganeshotsav..so I’m kinda mad at Them all right now too, for tainting mom’s favorite time of the year. But I must get by and “move on”..at least that’s what they tell me. I think what I’m going to do instead is just listen to your voice in my head over the past 3 & a half decades..& be confident and safe in the fact that you will lead me to the place of acceptance without the anger or bitterness of losing one of my best friends in this universe. I’m a little less mad at you.

You loved me like I love you..limitless-ly, abundantly, inimitably. You have finally been granted your last wish over the past few years..to be yourself again; free, independent, strong, and angelic. Your legacy is something that will last long after my own last breath because all of your 6 children, 14 grandchildren, and 18 great-grandchildren and so on will make sure that no one in any lifetime forgets Ramaben Chimanlal Gandhi, and more than that, no one will ever tarnish this future lifeline that you have built. I miss you more than I can express in any possible medium, and your Krishna only knows when I will be able to return to Bombay again, let alone to your home and your room. But all I can give you now is this..

I love you immensely, Miss Universe. In this and every other life..past, present, & future. And..

I could never be mad at you.

Love,

Siddhi

Today’s Wisdom: “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world & me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another & not to me.” -C.S. Lewis

Today’s Interlude:

OSCAR SUNDAY! I’D LIKE TO THANK THE ACADEMY..

Oscar Sunday! I’d Like To Thank The Academy..

Today’s Mood Ingredients: Excited, Envious, Enthusiastic

Well, if you know me personally, you know I’m an avid awards season junkie & always have been since the wise all-knowing celeb-fashion-film enthusiast age of 8 years old. If you follow me on Twitter, you know I’m an avid awards season junkie & will live tweet the crap out of every show with a combination of snark, awe, praise, & candor. If you follow me here on C&CD, chances are you think I’m a normal person who only posts about the Oscars, & that too, only once a year. That last lot..lucky you to not know me as the crazy that I am. 😉

Anyway, follow along here for all of my favorite/Best Dressed fashionistas from the show & the revered Vanity Fair Oscars Afterparty (I don’t do Worst Dressed, I feel bad about it & I feel bad for the stylists who thought they were hitting a home run), the best & worst moments from the show, and of course, the winners. For an idea of what to expect and if you’re reading this pre-5:30PM EST, check out last year’s post here. Onto the races!

**All photo credit goes to Getty Images, unless otherwise stated, as you will so clearly see because I’m too lazy to get untagged photos.

MY BEST DRESSED

Anna Kendrick in custom Thakoon

This deep rose gown looks so complementary with Anna’s peaches & cream complexion & the simplicity just makes this Oscar performer exude elegance.

America Ferrera in Jenny Packham

Nominee How To Train A Dragon 2’s America Ferrera’s stormy sea green Jenny Packham is stunning with its unique color, contrasting accessories (check out the crimson clutch & turquoise earrings), and cinched waist.

Faith Hill in J.Mendel

(Photo: www.tomandlorenzo.com)

Faith Hill looks like a gorgeous and statuesque silvery glittery fish in her fabulous J.Mendel gown. I mean this as a compliment, btw.

Common in Prada

Oscar nominee Common is looking dapper in his navy velvet coat. It’s hard to stand out in men’s fashion, but he managed to do an awesome job.

Jamie Chung in Yanina

Nominee Big Hero 6’s Jamie Chung is a known fashionista & style-lover, so there’s no surprise that she picked something spectacular for the red carpet tonight. The light an dark shades complement her smokey eye and loose waves nicely.

Neil Patrick Harris in Brunello Cucinelli

Oscars 2015 host Neil Patrick Harris (with husband David Burtka) looks ready to have us in hysterics (hopefully) in his smooth cloud gray tux.

Laura Dern in Alberta Ferretti

(Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage)

OMG, I want to wear this dress everyday. This heavy metal shield of studded armor was a “Wild” choice for nominee Laura Dern (for Wild..get it?? Yeah, sorry). It fits like a glove and the strapless cut shows of her toned arms. Gotta get that bang in control though!

Behati Prinsloo in Armani Couture

(Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage)

This gown looks much better on screen in all its crimson sparkle, but Behati Prinsloo (Levine) looked stunning with her sleek bun, bold red lip, and just her regular supermodel self!

Felicity Jones in Alexander McQueen

(Photo: Kevin Mazue/WireImage)

I want Felicity Jones’ gorgeous ice gray McQueen to stop at the waist. That’s it. The intricacy of the top and the halter neck are beautiful, but the matronly skirt shape takes a lot away from both the gown and nominee Felicity.

Chrissy Teigen in Zuhair Murad

(Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

Chrissy Teigen (supporting nominee/husband John Legend) can rarely do wrong in my eyes & today wasn’t any different. The powder blue Zuhair Murad with an “Angelina slit” looked gorgeous and the long sleeves added a depth to the style. Old Hollywood waves and dark blood lips & Chrissy is flawless!

Naomi Watts in Armani Privé

Naomi Watts’ gray & white glittered brick gown actually got me for some reason. Love the visual effect it has, plus the sequined 3/4 back is always a fave for me.

David Oyelowo in Dolce & Gabbana

(Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

Say what you will, I’m lovinggg this maroon tux on Selma actor David Oyelowo. Again, it’s hard to stand out as a man on a red carpet, & he somehow managed to do it with great results.

Lupita Nyong’o in custom Calvin Klein Collection by Francisco Costa

Holy crap, this Lupita Nyong’o & Micaela Erlanger (stylist) combination is UNBEATABLE. The custom gown with a top half covered in pearls and the bottom covered in glimmering beads..speechless. FYI, this dress consists of 6,000 pearls. SIX THOUSAND. Yet another 10/10.

Rosamund Pike in Givenchy

(Photo: Jeff Vespa/WireImage)

Gone Girl nominee Rosamund Pike stuns in a candy apple red gown. The rounded top and center slit add a unique factor to the piece, while the texture of the fabric catches the eye.

Cate Blanchett in Margiela by Galliano

(Photo: http://www.tomandlorenzo.com)

Cate Blanchett’s dress may be simple, but there’s no denying that perfect cut & fit. But more than that, THAT TIFFANY & CO. STATEMENT NECKLACE IS INCREDIBLE. Turquoise jewelry seems all the rage tonight.

Reese Witherspoon in Tom Ford

Nominee for Wild, Reese Witherspoon chose a tried & true classic combo of black and white for her Oscars ensemble. Simple statement, gorgeous hourglass figure, incredible talent; that’s all.

Anna Faris in Zuhair Murad

(Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage)

Not only is Anna Faris one of our favorite funny people from back in her Friends days, but she’s the other half of hilarious-had-a-great-year-in-a-nominated-film Chris Pratt. This silver stunner is perfect for the Mom star; it surprisingly is a beautiful complement to her blonde hair and alabaster skin.

Emma Stone in Elie Saab

(Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

Nominee for Birdman, Emma Stone, is one of the firsts to do the “look-l-like-Oscar” thing this year, but she looks beautiful doing it. Personally, her gown looks better from afar then it does in the detail, but she pulls it off. I do wish she would have kept her bold streak going a la Golden Globes.

Jennifer Aniston in Versace

(Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage)

Yeah, sure, it’s not a color. It’s beige which poses as “champagne” & “nude” & “bone” and whatever other names beige uses. BUT IT’S JEN ANISTON & THE DRESS IS NOT HIDEOUS. 😉 In all seriousness, the fit is glove-like, it shimmers & shines, and if I could have looked like Jennifer Aniston does in her 40’s even when I was in my 20’s, then hot damn. This woman looks good in everything.

Meryl Streep in Lanvin

Meryl still somehow manages to shake it up after all of these years of Oscar red carpets! She looks as classy as ever as she celebrates yet another nomination tonight (Into The Woods).

Lady Gaga in custom Alaia

(Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage)

Though I could definitely do without the dishwashing gloves, only Lady Gaga could have pulled off this custom Alaia. The structure of this gown combined with Gaga’s hair & makeup is perfection.

Oprah Winfrey in Vera Wang

(Photo: http://www.tomandlorenzo.com)

Nominated producer for Selma, & well, OPRAH, looks beautiful in her ruched Vera Wang gown. A quote I read today is seriously so motivational, I’m sharing it with you here..”Oprah wasn’t built in a day!” Hardworking & world dominating.

THE SHOW (UPDATED)

8:30PM: Neil Patrick Harris kicks off the show with an irreverent #OscarsSoWhite joke, but how are people going to get mad at NPH!? In an awesome production number as an ode to movies, old & new, projection kills, Anna Faris & Jack Black guest warble, & the comedy hits all the right notes.

8:40PM: Lupita Nyong’o is stunning on stage with her flawless accent to present the first award of the evening, Best Actor in a Supporting Role. Where dem glasses, thooooo!?

8:41PM: Lupita mistaking the Oscars for the SAG Awards (“and the actor goes to..”) makes you love her more. J.K. Simmons wins for Best Actor in a Supporting Role.

8:46PM: NPH calls Liam Neeson on stage to show the clips for Wes Anderson’s The Grand Budapest Hotel and American Sniper; nominees for Best Picture. TGPH SUCH a good movie!!! FAVE W.A. film!

8:49PM: Currently omipresent Dakota Johnson introduces Adam Levine, actor & musician in/for Begin Again to perform their nominated song “Lost Stars” from the film. It was slightly painful because I think Adam Levine & Maroon 5 are better suited to flipping back & forth on a radio, rather than a live performance.

8:55PM: Mindy Kaling’s American Express commercial airs & I love her forever. This is just information everyone already knows about me. 😛

8:56PM: J.Lo & Chris Pine on stage to present Best Costume Design. I honestly didn’t even see them. Followed by Reese Witherspoon to present Achievement in Makeup & Hairstyling. Her, I looked at!

9:03PM: Channing Tatum arrives to introduce the 2015 Team Oscar kids. This is also the same time I decide that I’m not trying to post what’s happening every minute.

9:10PM: Nicole Kidman’s psychedelic gown gave me a seizure.

9:12PM: The Best Foreign Language Film winner from Poland, gave the speech to end all speeches. He should do everyone’s acceptance speeches. Music started, stopped, started again..he was still speaking. 😛

9:14PM: Legendary Shirley Maclaine on stage to show clips from Best Picture nominees Boyhood, Birdman, and The Theory of Everything. Rockin’ out in a sequined black suit & her signature shock of red hair.

9:16PM: NPH is talking to Heidi & Laura, rando seat fillers who basically just had the moments of their lives. Gets to Steve Carrell and I’m so happy. Nominee Marion Cotillard introduces Tegan & Sara and The Lonely Island to sing nominated song “Everything Is Awesome” from The Lego Movie. It’s a live action Lego something with a dancing possum and cowboys and I feel like I just had really good LSD.

9:29PM: 2 hours to go. We’re on Best Documentary Short. AND THE RED DRESS I WAS COVETING IN THE RED CARPET BACKGROUND CAME TO THE SPOTLIGHT!! Thank you, fashion Gods!

9:44PM: Neil Patrick Harris came on stage in his tighty whities & I remained confused. This wasn’t quite like Ellen Degeneres’ celeb selfie that “broke the internet.”

9:52PM: Jordan Catalano aka Jared Leto (yes, that is the correct order) sidles on stage looking as scrumptious as ever in a powder blue tux with a baby pink flower on the lapel. Eyes match the tux..my heart stops just as it did when I was 14. 😛 ❤ Oh..he was also presenting Best Actress in a Supporting Role.

9:57PM: Patricia Arquette & Meryl Streep actually do break the internet after Patricia’s awesome acceptance speech with an addendum about wage equality. Magic Meryl Effing Streep (according to NPH) praised the heavens from her seat & everyone loved her more.

10:00PM: Rita Ora is performing “Grateful” from Beyond The Lights; a Best Song nominee. It’s meh. But her diamond snake necklace is enviable.

10:10PM: Zoe Saldana is Jada Pinkett Smith is Zoe Saldana. My mom is currently hooting & hollering for Big Hero 6 winning Best Animated Feature Film because we watched it 2 days ago.

10:23PM: The Grand Budapest Hotel deservedly wins for Achievement in Production Design & I’m already restless waiting for John Legend & Common’s performance and The Sound of Music tribute!

10:32PM: Meryl Streep announces the In Memoriam segment. Someone didn’t get the “no applause” memo. Now they probably feel like an ass..until the second person who did the same exact thing 2 minutes later. Joan Rivers excluded from the segment..damn.

10:34PM: Never mind, other people kept clapping too. Oh, Hollywood.

10:36PM: Jennifer Hudson performs a song in tribute to the lost ones.

10:44PM: Bro wondering why Boyhood didn’t get Achievement in Film Editing, considering it was filmed over a span of 12 years & that had to be hard as crap. I don’t disagree.

10:48PM: Terrence Howard is either high or channeling Lucious Lyon because something just was not right about that presentation of Selma, The Imitation Game, & Whiplash.

10:59PM: 30 minutes to go (sippposedly). John Legend & Common (YES!) performing their nomination for Best Song; “Glory.” They recreated the Selma march on stage and between the power of the scenery, the power of the issue, the power of the message, the power of the lyrics, and the power of John & Common’s talent, we all have goosebumps at my house. No wonder they are the frontrunners for this award. They get a well-deserved standing ovation & tears from everyone; Jessica Chastain, David Oyelowo, Oprah, Chris Pine, ME. Incredible performance, worth the wait.

11:05PM: John Stephens & Lonnie Lynn aka John Legend and Common (I know, who knew!?) win the Oscar for Best Song. Everyone crying, more standing ovations, big powerful messages on the public platform.

11:14PM: A moment I’ve been waiting for all night! The 50th anniversary tribute for The Sound of Music. Edelweiss me anytime, Christopher Plummer. 😛

11:19PM: Lady Gaga was the greatest choice for this tribute. Say what you will..that woman can SING. Julie Andrews would be proud.

11:20PM: OMG Julie Andrews popped out of the wings & my sister and I are more emotional than Lady Gaga right now. Memories & laughter abound.

11:25PM: The Big Four are left + screenplays. Clearly going past 11:30PM. I don’t think ABC realizes that us common-folk don’t have the Vanity Fair Oscars Afterparty to look forward to on a Sunday night.

11:37PM: Graham Moore wins the Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay for The Imitation Game & received it from Oprah. Incredible speech. “Stay weird, stay different. And then when it’s your turn and you are standing on this stage, please pass the message along.” Absolutely.

11:51PM: Eddie Redmayne being cute & flustered after having just won the Oscar for Best Actor in a Leading Role. Sweet dedication to ALS & the family of Stephen Hawking on whom the film was based.

11:55PM: Two to go! Best Actress in a Lead Role & Best Picture. Let’s go let’s go. Vanity Fair red carpet to see!

12:08AM: And that’s a wrap ’til 2016!

WINNERS (UPDATED):

Best Actor in a Supporting Role:

J.K. Simmons for Whiplash

Best Costume Design:

Milena Canonero for The Grand Budapest Hotel

Achievement in Makeup & Hairstyling:

Frances Hannon & Mark Coulier for The Grand Budapest Hotel

Best Foreign Language Film:

Ida from Poland (Directed by Pawel Pawlikowski)

Best Live Action Short Film:

Mat Kirkby & James Lucas for The Phone Call

Best Documentary Short Subject:

Ellen Goosenberg Kent & Dana Perry for Crisis Hotline: Veterans Press 1

Achievement in Sound Mixing:

Craig Mann, Ben Wilkins, Thomas Curley for Whiplash

Achievement in Sound Editing:

Alan Robert Murray & Bub Asman for American Sniper

Best Actress in a Supporting Role:

Patricia Arquette for Boyhood

Achievement in Visual Effects:

Paul Franklin, Andrew Lockley, Ian Hunter, & Scott Fisher for Interstellar

Best Animated Short:

Patrick Osborne & Kristina Reed for Feast

Best Animated Feature Film:

Don Hall, Chris Williams, & Roy Conli for Big Hero 6

Achievement in Production Design:

Adam Stockhausen (Production Design) & Anna Pinnock (Set Decoration) for The Grand Budapest Hotel

Achievement in Cinematography:

Emmanuel Lubezki for Birdman

Best Documentary Feature:

Laura Poitroas, Mathilde Bonnefoy, & Dirk Wilutzky for CitizenFour

Achievement in Film Editing:

Tom Cross for Whiplash

Best Original Song:

John Stephens (John Legend) & Lonnie Lynn (Common) for “Glory” from Selma

Best Original Score:

Alexandre Desplat for The Grand Budapest Hotel

Best Original Screenplay:

Alejandro G. Iñarritu, Nicolas Giacobone, Alexandre Dinelaris, Jr., & Armando Bo for Birdman

Best Adapted Screenplay:

Graham Moore for The Imitation Game

Achievement in Direction;

Alejandro G. Iñarritu

Best Actor in a Leading Role:

Eddie Redmayne for The Theory of Everything

Best Actress in a Leading Role:

Julianne Moore for Still Alice

Best Picture:

Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue Of Ignorance)

VANITY FAIR OSCARS AFTERPARTY (UPDATING)

MY BEST DRESSED

Mindy Kaling in custom Salvador Perez

(Photo: L, Pascal de Segretain/Getty Images R, Mindy Kaling Instagram)

I mean. I’m an MK fan through & through and it’s never going to change no matter what, but the combination of her & Salvador Perez (President of the Costume Designers Guild and the CD for The Mindy Project) is real GOLD. This gorgeous custom black gown with crystal accents is the perfect amount of classy for Graydon Carter’s annual affair. Get it, Mindy.

Sofia Vergara in Zuhair Murad

(Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage)

The bubbly actress looks beautiful in a cornflower blue beaded & strapless Zuhair Murad. She’s usually on her fashion game with only a couple of hiccups here & there, so this hit isn’t surprising!

Diane Kruger in Donna Karan Atelier

(Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)

Completely & utterly obsessed with Diane Kruger’s scarlet one-shouldered gown/jumpsuit hybrid. IT’S INCREDIBLE & UNIQUE & FUNCTIONAL & I WANT IT NOW.

Thandie Newton in ***

(Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage)

ER alum Thandie Newton looked classy and elegant in her jet black column gown with embellished warrior shoulders and belt. The sleek ponytail makes sure her hair doesn’t distract from the dress’ details.

Amy Adams in Atelier Versace

(Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage)

I think it was the first time in quite some time that Amy Adams wasn’t nominated for an Academy Award, but it didn’t prevent her from dressing like she was on that stage! Beautiful color & texture on her deeply hued blue gown that accents her redhead nicely.

Minnie Driver in Pamella Roland

(Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)

This gorgeous printed purple gown is such a flattering cut for already stunning Minnie Driver. It’s soft shade and flowered fabric is helping to remind us that spring is almost here (please hurry)!

Amanda Peet in ***

(Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)

I don’t know why I like this gown, but I do. I think the form fitting top contrasting with the flowing lines of the bottom half of the dress, plus the pleated texture and peekaboo white adds a certain dramatic flair to what could have easily been a very blah gown. Amanda Peet’s posture could have been better to flatter the dress more as well.

Georgina Chapman in Marchesa

(Photo: Larry Busacca/VF15/Getty Images)

Well, first of all, I don’t know why I didn’t know that the co-founder of my all-time favorite design label Marchesa is married to Harvey Weinstein. Anyway, this spectacular gold-embroidered 3/4 sleeved black gown from her own label is so fitting for this talented designer. I love all of the sleek hair that I’ve seen so far on the more detailed dresses, allowing them to stand out on their own without distraction. God, one day I will wear a Marchesa somewhere..even if it’s just to take out the garbage!

Hailee Steinfeld in Andrew Gn

(Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage)

This look is super young & unconventional, and that makes it perfect for 18-year old Hailee. The full skirt and mixed prints make it a fun quirky choice for the VF afterparty & the dark lip gives it just a little/right amount of edge.

Italia Ricci in Yosep Sinudarsono

(Photo:

Chasing Life star Italia Ricci brought dramatic flair to Graydon Carter’s annual Vanity Fair bash in her light gray & black Sinudarsono gown. The fitted bodice through to the hip ends in a mermaid-esque style; something I don’t normally like, but Italia made it work.

Chanel Iman in Zuhair Murad

(Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage)

Model Chanel Iman wore the designer of the evening Zuhair Murad in her champagne lace ensemble. Though I’m never fond of the transparent-dress-just-so-you-can-see-the-strange-granny-panty-part styles, Chanel Iman just about pulled it off.

Hannah Simone in Naeem Khan

(Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)

New Girl star Hannah Simone flew from shooting a film in Atlanta just to attend the VF bash. Well worth it because she looked gorgeous in a rust Naeem Khan beauty with a flattering A-line that would make anyone look & feel like a princess.

Jaime King in Altuzarra

(Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)

Former supermodel/current actress Jaime King still has fashion in her blood. The blond beauty stepped out for the first time since announcing she is pregnant with her second child in a gold & mustard hued Altuzarra gown with a deep V-neck; though definitely not as deep as J.Lo’s immortal green Versace.

Kelly Ripa in Rouland Moret

(Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage)

Live With Kelly & Michael host Kelly Ripa arrived in a gray & white Rouland Moret column with an asymmetrical top. I really like this dress & normally I don’t love people who stay safe & choose white. Kelly is a tiny person and this dress gives her a lot of illusion of height.

Lupita Nyong’o in Calvin Klein Collection

(Photo: David Livingston/Getty Images)

Style queen Lupita Nyong’o went the Calvin Klein way for the second time tonight in a gilded strapless gown that complemented her stunning features and skin tone. So far, I think I’ve only seen one Lupita misstep, & that was at the Met Ball last year!

Lydia Hearst in ***

(Photo: Film Magic)

Publishing heir Lydia in this royal purple & rose crop top/full skirt combo is something I really loved. It’s playful but chic & perfect for one of Hollywood’s biggest afterparties.

Michelle Monaghan in Monique Lhuillier

(Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)

Though I’d have preferred a little more of a snug fit on top, the cut & color of Michelle Monaghan’s Monique Lhuillier gown are completely on trend & fabulous. Whether you like it or not, cutouts are still everywhere & Michelle is Pantone’s 2015 Color of the Year (Marsala) personified.

Suki Waterhouse in Burberry

(Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)

Sweet & simple. Accomplished model (& nominee Bradley Cooper’s main squeeze) Suku Waterhouse dazzled in a rust/sepia Burberry gown that set off her dirty blond hair & strong brows. Though this picture doesn’t do her or the gown justice due to the timing of the shot & the posture, this dress was one of my VF faves.

And now, I bid you so long, farewell, auf weidersen, adieu (a la Maria Von Trapp) ’til next year & a whole new batch of old & new nominees and Tinseltown elite. In the meantime, why don’t you check out some of the other posts here? 😉

“And This Old World Is A New World And A Bold World..For Me”: Finally Feeling Fun!

Today’s Mood Ingredients: Carefree, Enthusiastic, Social.

Today is a good day. It’s the first day in over 6 months that I actually have the desire to go out and reconnect with people without having a constant frenetic worry in my head about my family & their health & whereabouts. The sun is bronzing our front yard, the mild breeze feels like snuggling with newborns, & my endorphin levels are at some unprecedented high. I used to scoff (until it affected me..sorry about that) at the whole seasonal depression thing. I figured that if people in London weren’t all down & depressed their entire lives considering their lack of natural Vitamin D providers, then weather really wasn’t what was affecting your mood. Just kidding. The past couple of weeks have made me realize that Mother Nature, that little vengeful woman, has had my head in a vice all winter long. Blizzards, gray skies, polar vortexes, & gloomy rain, combined with family health issues, had me downer than Debbie and more negative than Nancy.

I don’t know if it’s the weather, I don’t know if it’s the fact that (knock on wood) my family is feeling better, I don’t know if it’s because I’m starting to (excruciatingly slowly) get my shit together, & I don’t know if it’s because I absolutely refuse to have to take any anxiety medication (I have no stigma against it, it’s just a personal preference that I would rather not take anything), but I’m stage 5 clinging to whatever is causing this upswing in my mood & positivity & general infatuation with the good and happy in the world. Next winter, I’m flying south with the winged & this summer, I’m absorbing rays like I’m a God damn human greenhouse (wearing SPF 100), but as for the present moment, “it’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life..for me. And I’m feelin’ good.” 😎

Today’s Interlude: “Feeling Good” by Nina Simone

New York, New York, What A Wonderful Town: It Can Revel You Up, It Can Level You Down

TRAVEL: New York, New York, What A Wonderful Town: It Can Revel You Up, It Can Level You Down

Today’s Mood Ingredients: Enamored, Exhausted, Conflicted.

MY.NY. I’ve called it that for the past 8 years, lived in it for the past 32. It’s home, it’s always been home, I’m pretty sure it’ll always be home. I’ve been in love with the whole state, but mostly my city, my whole life & when people speak of their excitement or their “dream” to visit NYC one day, I get it. I feel lucky that I’ve lived in the center of the chaos; I feel lucky that now I’m only tens of minutes away on the outskirts of the hubbub. However, recently, things have had a subtle shift. The geographical love of my life has begun to fray at the edges, blurring my vision from behind my rose-colored glasses, adding an anxious thrum to the usually enthralled pulse that runs through me at just the sight of the concrete jungle.

New York, NYC, MY.NY., The Big Apple, The City That Never Sleeps is..amazing. It’s awesome. It’s incredible. It’s a world of its own with the population of the city being so diverse, you might as well have a passport for the island. You can be proffered a taste of a little bit of everything, a little bit of something, but sometimes that can transform into a little bit of nothing. New York has an inherent electricity far different from the literal Times Square sense. Even the subways have an energy, even the sidewalks have a story. New York, the emotional oxymoron; a place with over 8 million people that struggle to find just one or two true connections. The palpable nature of the city can either be arousing or overwhelming, sometimes both. Opportunities call kindly to you from every neon sign, from every sky-scraping window, from every glittering marquis; but they also dangle temptingly in front of you like a carrot, making you walk blindly & aimlessly that one extra step after another in the hopes that you’ll be allowed to take a bite someday. Someday. Nightfall in NYC can be a startlingly different experience from one 12 hour gap to the next. One night you’re out at a restaurant, a jazz bar, a club, & life is good and jubilant and you’re a firecracker about the town without a burden to shoulder. The next, you’re home in your shoebox studio that’s costing you your pension eating Ramen noodles & watching Sex & The City’s glossy glammed up version of a very different reality, & wondering why you feel alone in a city full of promised promise.

Don’t get me wrong, I am still thoroughly obsessed with my town. I love the “melting pot,” the variety, the camaraderie (it does happen sometimes!). I live for feeling alive when I walk through Central Park in the summer or 5th Avenue in the winter, Union Square in the fall, The Met in the spring. The sparkling lights still set something ablaze in the pit of my stomach (that is not attributed to the spices from an NY slice), my colorful memories leap out at me from every psychic-resided corner. I roam my undergraduate hallways of Washington & Waverly, gazing at the billowing purple NYU flags that are now ubiquitous at every turn from FiDi to SoHo to The Village to Midtown, reminiscing about that first day that my address read “New York, NY 10003” & how I was ready to embrace the place like a long lost love that I never knew I had. The creativity, the individuality, the temperament that is solely New York still tugs at my heartstrings like a child determinedly pulling a mother into a candy store. But now & again, I wonder if “MY.NY.” will forever be in the throes of a lifelong identity crisis.

“I carry the place around the world in my heart but sometimes I try to shake it off in my dreams.”-F.Scott Fitzgerald